Seto Kaiba's Christmas Carol

Christmas Eve at Kaiba Corp.:

[Seto Kaiba is in his office doing some paper work until Roland (his right hand man at the company) walks in to the office and begs on his hands and knees to the CEO.]

Roland: Please, Mr. Kaiba. I'm begging you if I can have the day off tomorrow to be with my family.

[Seto put down his pen, leaned back in his chair and he crossed his arms as he gave a cold glare back.]

Seto: A day off? You take a day off from work and it will be permanent! You'll be fired and spending the rest of your miserable life collecting welfare!

Roland: (whispers) Welfare is a lot more generous than what you pay me. My family can barely get by with the $1.50 an hour you pay me with.

Seto: WHAT WAS THAT?

Roland: Nothing, Mr. Kaiba. Please have mercy tomorrow is Christmas day! I want to be home with my family. Please, sir.

[Seto slammed his fist on the table to make Roland see that his decision was final. He was getting annoyed by all this talk about Christmas.]

Seto: Christmas.... BAH HUMBUG! You better be here tomorrow bright and early at 6AM or you'll be fired!

[Seto stood up from his chair and left the office. He cursed the world as he rode a limousine back home to his empty house.]

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Later at night:

[Seto lies in bed greedily counting his money. He was immediately startled when the lights all of a sudden turned off and the Time Goddess appeared as a ghostly figure besides him.]

Seto: Setsuna? What's going on?

Setsuna: Since I have the ability to control time I am going to show you your Christmas past, present and future in hopes of turning you in to a better man. Now take my hand, we have lots to do tonight.

[Setsuna grabbed Seto's hand and waved her time staff. In an instant they were teleported to the past where Seto was a cute little boy of only ten years old at home playing with his cards with his younger brother Mokuba.]

Setsuna: Look at how cute and huggable you were when you were little. What went wrong? Do you remember how happy you were on Christmas day?

Seto: I was a little kid back then. All kids love Christmas because of the presents. Can you stop showing me the past because it means nothing to me. Bah humbug.

[Setsuna waved her time staff again and this time they were teleported to the present in Yugi's house. Yugi was having a Christmas party with all his friends, even Mokuba was there.]

Seto: Why have you brought me here? You know how I hate and can't stand Yugi!

Setsuna: I want to show you how happy people are at Christmas time.

[Yugi was exchanging gifts with everyone. Everyone seemed very happy except for a blond named Joey.]

Joey: My sister needs another operation, a more serious one. I don't know where to get the money. I'm desperate, if Serenity doesn't have this operation she could die. I was even thinking of swallowing my pride and begging Kaiba to borrow the money. It's Christmas and not even he can be that heartless.

Seto: Like fucking Hell I will!

Yugi: Save your breath, Joey. Kaiba will only help and care for one person which is himself. We will all help you raise the money for your sister's operation. I'll enter more duel tournaments and give the prize money to you. That's what friends are for, we help and look out for each other.

Joey: Oh Yugi........

[Yugi and all his friends lovingly hug each other in a circle.]

Seto: What a bunch of stupid gay faggots. What's next? They are going to take out the Dark Magician blow up doll and have a gay orgy! Ha ha ha ha ha, you all suck!

Setsuna: This is going to be harder than I thought...

[Setsuna waved her time staff and took Seto to the future. Seto sees that they are in a graveyard. Setsuna points to a tombstone and tells Seto to read the inscriptions.]

Seto: I'm dead?!?!?!

Setsuna: Take a closer look.

[Seto wiped the dust from the tombstone and to his surprise it wasn't his name. It was Yugi Mutou's. He died during a duel accident trying to win the money to help his friend Joey.]

Seto: Yugi is dead? Finally! I've waited so long for this day! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!! Here I was worried that something bad was going to happen to me.

Setsuna: No, I want to show you that there are things much worst than death and you aren't suppose to be laughing. This is the part where you feel sorry for Yugi and understand the true value of friendship. I can now see that I have to take out the big guns.... Seto, you have to change your ways if you want to prevent this future that I am about to show you from happening.

[Setsuna takes Seto to another area. Inside the home of Dan Hibiki's dojo. Seto gets frightened and tries to leave but Setsuna grabs his wrist firmly to prevent him from leaving.]

Dan: Vega, come and help me decorate the tree so we can sing Christmas carols under the mistletoe.

[Out comes the future version of Seto Kaiba dressed in a pink dress looking very sad and abused. He was walking with a limp and was property of Dan.]

Future Seto: Yes, Master Dan.

Seto: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OH FUCK NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! Not Dan! Setsuna, you promised me that you would protect me from Dan! You were supposed to be my friend! You promised!

Setsuna: Sorry, but not in this future. I couldn't stand what kind of person you became so you are no longer under my protection. Everyone hates you, your company went bankrupt, you have no where to go and you were forced to take a job as Dan's Vega to make ends meet.

Seto: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Please I'll change! I'll change! Anything but this! Please, Setsuna, please! I'll change!

[Seto broke down and cried as Setsuna waved her time staff one last time to teleport them back home to their own time at the Time Gates (Setsuna's home). Seto was still on the ground crying in fear and begging for Setsuna not to let this future happen.]

Setsuna: Stand up, Seto, now you know why you must change?

[Seto stood up and stopped crying. He knew what he needed to do.]

Seto: I will change, Setsuna! I'll be a much better person. You'll see, I will change.

Setsuna: That's what I wanted to hear.

[Setsuna hugged Seto thinking that her mission was a success.]

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Christmas day:

[Seto woke up, got dressed and ran out of his house. He bumps in to Sakura on her skateboard. Sakura falls off her skateboard and scrapes her knees.]

Seto: You there, boy, what day is it?

Sakura: Why it is Christmas day, sir, AND I AM NOT A BOY!

Seto: Great! That means I still have time.

[Seto runs to a large ammunition store, purchases a fully loaded machine gun and goes to Dan's dojo. Seto sees Dan and fires the gun until all the bullets were used up and Dan's pink guts were splattered all over.]

Seto: Die, you goddamn pink faggot, die!

[Seto threw the gun away and dusted his hands off when he saw that Dan was very dead and his future was safe. A horrified Setsuna slapped Seto in the back of his head with her time staff.]

Setsuna: No! Seto, this is not what is suppose to happen! You are not suppose to kill Dan!

[Setsuna could not allow this to happen. She used her magic psychic powers to have Dan resurrected back from the dead. Dan runs off as gay as ever looking for Vega to kiss and drill.]

Seto: What? Did you expect me to give Roland the day off? Give Joey the money he needed for the operation and become another one of Yugi's gay friends? Fuck no!

[A newspaper blew in Seto's face. Seto took the newspaper and read the cover story. His company, Kaiba Corp., had been burned down to the ground, he was left with nothing and his insurance company will not cover a penny but what is worst he is over 10 billion dollars in debt. Seto crumpled up the newspaper and tossed it away. Seto began to laugh and Setsuna thinks he lost his mind.]

Setsuna: Seto, you are now poor and homeless! Why are you so happy?

Seto: That company had been nothing but trouble for me anyway. True, it's been my life's work but it was also a curse. And I'm not homeless. I have a very good feeling that you will take me in...

Setsuna: Now I know that you've lost your mind. Why would I want to do that?

Seto: Because you are a nice person and I said please?

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Later at the Time Gates:

[Seto moved in to live with Setsuna in her house and is busy lying on the couch eating a bag of chips.]

Seto: Now this is the good life. No more stress of running a company, no more work, best of all NO DAN. Just eating, sleeping and relaxing..... Setsuna, is the Christmas dinner almost ready yet? I'm getting hungry and who says I don't have any holiday spirit. Oh and can you bring the food over here because I just got comfortable on the couch and I don't want to get up. My pillow needs to be fluffed up and can you turn the TV on for me because I can't reach the remote.

Setsuna: ..............